Monday, November 23, 2009

O_o

Hair. It's going to take over the world. Yes it is. These seemingly harmless bunches of "dead" cells are actually very clever organisms who know better than to make their presence felt to the rest of the world. Them operates when and where one leas expects it.. The first time i noticed their sneaky, mischievious activity was in the bathroom.
Before we get into that, let me explain how much I have managed to uncover about these demons collectively called Hair.

But before that, let me sing a wonderful song so I have your complete attention.

O, Haseena, zulfon wali jaane jahan!
Dhoondti hai kaafir aankhen kiska nishaan?
Mehfil mehfil-e-shama,
phirti ho kahaan?

Woh anjaanaaa dhoondti hoon,
woh deevanaaa dhoondti hoon,
jalakar jooo chhip gaya hai, woh parvaanaaaa dhoondti hoon!

NOW, if you have noticed, there is a comma after haseena, and not after zulfon. This is because the HAIR is being sung about, and the haseena is being praised for having hair. This song is very old, this means that our ancestors had realised that Hair are living organisms, but they did not know that Hair aspires to conquer the world!

About hair.
Hair is seen only on mammals. This is because mammals possess a quality called loveliness. Hairs are suckers for loveliness.
Hair has existed since twenty-three hundred years before cockroaches even roached the world. From when it was created, hair roamed free on the earth and neighbouring planets for many years. And then there were dinosaurs. All the hair across the solar system was so shocked by the freakish distortedness of the shape of the dinosaurs, they pretended to be dead and have remained that way ever since.

Hairs use many methods of communication, telepathy being the commonest of all because of it's simplicity. They messages that pass between hairs are sometimes caught by humans, whose weirdacko minds interpret them as voices in their heads or their conscience.
Another reason hair chooses to grow on the skin of mammals is that the skin of a mammal has the similarest cellular strucute, the only difference (or so we thought) is that hair cells are dead.

There are different communities of hair in the world. They are formed based on colour, texture, or awesomeness and awfulness.
One set of communities is blond, black, brown, red, blonder, blacker, browner and redder.
Other than those, there are curly, wavy, straight, groovy and cartoony.
The awesomenesses and awfulnesses are communities with a population made of hybrids of the types mentioned below.

So, as I was saying, I have managed to uncover a little about their sneaky mischieviousness.
Many of us have faced and still face problems of hairloss, yes?
As some of you (special uns) must've guessed by now, it's not actually because of lack of nutrition that we're losing hair.
Hair sends out armies of hairlets periodically into the world we see with our fantastically clouded eyese. These armies are responsible for many problems that we face.
Off the top of my head, bathrooms are an active place.
While you're shampooing your hair and singing It's My Life, the armies are quietly dropping off your head and heading straight towards the drain pipe. Over a period, the rain pipe gets clogged and hair puts in all efforts to pull out whatever has passed thru it and make the pipe spew it back out. This way, they can cause epidemics, which leave them at an advantage.
I'm sure that there are many such things that we will find hair responsible for.

I wish them all the best and will not discourage their taking over the world, as I have seen that they have a noble soul, and will make great rulers.
I will stand by you in all your deeds, and promise not not to disappear if you ever get into trouble. I will remain neutral.
Take care :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Attack!

So here i am. Writing a post. And i have no idea what to write about. Absolutely nothing. Not even ideas like writing about the colour of my socks.
Speaking of socks, my kittens' paws make them look like they're wearing socks.
Yes, i got kittens! (Yes, my post is going to be about my kittens! xD)
They're a month old. Mum found them when they were only a few days old! Our phoolwali told us that their mother had abandoned them and since then, she had been looking after them.
Simba's fur is grey and he looks like a tiger, somewhat. Pebbles is a white, royal, delicate-looking princess.
I have been a very anti-cat person since forever. Now i find myself petting every clean cat I see. It is absolutely weird. I never used to think of cats as graceful or royal or elegant. I used to think of them as catty. Mean. I still know they are. But i want to like them til they prove it to me.
Enough about cats.

Let's talk about poverty and population. Yes. People who take enough interest in politics to find out who won the election before their parents/relatives/people around them started talking about it should have something to say after reading this.

Eradication of poverty. I haven't thought this through, so SOMEbody might prove me wrong. Or not. it's a matter of opinion.
Most of mankind wants happiness and success/satisfaction. Most of it seems to think world peace is what will make give them happiness/success/satisfaction. So problems such as scarcity of resources, water, energy etc, crime, population, illiteracy and all are obstacles in the path to world peace.
My opinion is:
1. Very cruel
2. That people should do what they want how they want to. But only if you want to live life free of dependence on anything but nature and your ecosystem. Basically, if you want to live like Tarzan. Before he went to the city or whatever.
3. If you want to use the resources like those of a dwelling which has been recognised by a mass of people that pretend to rule over it, make the resources YOURSELF or follow the rules set by that mass of people (some places call it a government)
4. NEVER bother other people, unless they bother you. You give what you get. Not always. Only if you want to. It is wrong to expect people to give you anything positive. It is smart to expect people to give you negative.
Let me illustrate with an example.

Lets say person #27 decides to live like Tarzan(not the character, look at no.2!). Lets say many people have chosen to live like Tarzan.
Lets say person #6 decides to give #27 a bar of chocolate. #27 eats the bar of chocolate and enjoys it. And forgets about it. She realises that #6 has stolen her ostrich egg!
This entitles #27 to go and steal #6's peanut sack (assuming a peanut sack is as valuable to #6 as the ostrich egg is to #27).
Here, #27 should have expected danger from #6. And #6 should have expected no mercy from #27, because the bar of chocolate means NOTHING in this set-up. Only harm is recognized. Harm should be expected. If harmed, you are allowed to seek revenge. And if you don't, you cannot expect the harmer to feel any guilt.
Get it?

My other opinion is:
If world peace really IS the way, then out of all the problems like scarcity of resources, water, energy etc, crime, population, illiteracy, deterioration of the environment and all, population is the biggest one.
Everything revolves around population. If the population comes under control, every other problem will be much easier to solve. Because
1. There will be lesser people claiming the world's resources.
2. There will be lesser people polluting the earth.
3. Poverty will decrease.
4. Illiteracy will decrease.
5. And all.

And how do control the suffocatingly ever-multiplying population?
By controlling/eradicating poverty.
If you look at the problem objectively, you will agree that the best way to do this is by, ahem, removing all the poor. From the face of the earth. Something like the Nazis. I said if you look at it objectively!
I'm not saying KILL all the poor, but that if they're dying, LET them!
A lot of the poor don't show an interest in what we call development, i.e education, equal rights, proper economic status. This may be because they don't know the value of these things. So what they don't know can't tempt them, right?
What i'm saying is, there is no point wasting the country's resources on people who aren't going to be able to use them. If the poor want help, they should ask for it. It is wrong for the government to go around chasing them and teaching them the importance of education etc.
We all know that the poor NEED education to protect them from problems like constant indebtedness and all.
But the population increases because of the poor. They end up having many children and adding to the problem. Then they need even more resources and then those children end up being the reason for the hole in the Ozone layer getting a few millimetres bigger. I'm not saying don't help the poor. I'm saying help only those who can benefit and lead a HAPPY life because of the help given. People who cannot be helped shouldn't be helped, if there is someone who can benefit better from the same support.
Anyway. I will come back and edit this later. Maggi beckons. Au revoir!

I'm back! Many weeks later, but I'm back!

So.
I was saying that people who can really benefit and be happy because of the support given to them should be helped and not those who are so desperately unhappy and helpless that the same support will just give them slightly lesser problems, but still leave them unhappy.
See, if we find a way to eradicate/control the poor, there will be only the middle class and the rich left in the country, and they can share all the resources and live happily ever after. if the population has to increase, let the upper classes' population increase. That way they can provide for all children and be happy, because at the most, their wealth will decrease and become that of the middle class or slightly poor, but at least it'll be manageable! And besides, the upper classes (mostly) are smart enough to know what a catastrophe a huge increase in population can cause, and to protect what they have, they will make wise decisions. Even if some idiots manage to make mistakes, it won't cause much harm. No?

Everyone HAS to die eventually. A lot of the poor die young, and while they're alive, their lives aren't very happy. If they're happy being poor, then there's no point trying to help them. Those who are UNhappy, shouldn't be helped and should be allowed diminish and disappear. Yes?

It may be unethical and all, but if ONE move can help build a better, happy future for the survivors, why let ethics stop it?
If one little lie can give courage and strength for someone to grow, it is the right thing to do.
Similarly, if one act (of eradicating poverty like THAT) can help build a happier, better future for the people of two centuries (or so) later, why don't we let it happen?

Oui?

Comments (even if they disprove the effectiveness of my idea) are welcome :D




Sunday, August 2, 2009

Happy Friendship Day!

Plenty a sappy SMS in my inbox,
Yet I'm too sleepy to even pull up my socks,
Each SMS defining friendship as sweet,
But are as appetizing as sweetened rat meat

So as I struggle to open my eyes
(for the sun's so bright it's making me cry)
I realise it's okay to follow the trend
Because my life is nowhere near the end

So i'm here on Friendship Day
Typing a poem fighting the sun's ray
Thank you so much for being my friend
I hope i'll enjoy the chocolates you're gonna send!
<3
Happy Friendship Day!!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Chocolate Brown

I wrote this when i was on the way back fromm college, on the train.
Very random.. Tell me your views.

This wrinkly thing, it has colour
You may even find one that's duller
It has some humour around
My iris is chocolate brown

It makes a hole
That's darker than coal
So i can look up and down
My iris is chocolate brown

Some from the west
Look like lime zest
and blue black and green can be found
My iris is chocolate brown

Even as i snore
The lens that i wore
Irritates the cornea around
My iris is chocolate brown.

~The End~

Friday, July 10, 2009

This is something similar to what i had written when i was in school.. I dunno if i can still do it, but i'll give it a shot!


There was a metal bowtie which made funny noises which sounded like a cross between a roar and a quack everytime the owner coughed in The Milk Room which showered milk when it sensed a calcium deficiency in pet phoenixes and their owners or when someone brought a fruit in the room as a sign of offering a milkshake as a welcome drink but it wont work on tea or coffee because it thinks it is bad for the throat and that the owner of the metal bowtie coughed because he drank tea and coffee very often and in large quantities but the truth is that the owner used to feed his inner self which has a very well funcitioning digestive system of it's own fully equipped with all organs and glands which help in digesting everything from neckties to nectar with the help of organisms which give the owner of the bowtie intellectual and concentration powers which can melt the hardest of hearts and freeze the liquidiest of icegolas that icegolawallas make so slowly that they melt and you end up staining that perfectly white top which you had strived to keep white and stain-free with the magic stain-remover which your NRI aunt got from Canada where you get all such things for perfectly reasonable prices (at least to them) and not feel bad about it because it's not like you're asking for first-class tickets to Toronto or Disneyland although I may have asked jokingly but really WAS joking and trying to laugh like those emoticons which no one in real life could possibly imitate but yet you use them to show what you want your face to look like which you cleaned with Pears body soap when you know very well that body soaps are bad for the skin on the face and can make it wrinkly and stretchy like the elastic on the sleeve of the cute kurta that you bought at a not-so-pleasantly surprising price which everyone likes and you can proudly wear to college and show off and as you're thinking of what people will think in front of the mirror you realise it's getting late and start running around and gathering your notebooks and dabba with three rotis and sabji which you are not going to eat because you want to eat in the canteen BUT you realise you're never going to make it on time so you decide to bunk the first lecture which is boring anyway and decide to go in the second lecture so you start updating your blog so you have SOMETHING to show the professionals who hire copywriters on that genuine advertising website you got from the adman who's gonna work with Javed Habib for his new idea and get so involved in writing the blog that you dont even realise it's time to leave so you dont miss the second lecture so yo can return the book you borrowed and thus must add a fullstop to the story you're writing and hope people like it and post comments!


Okay, the one i wrote in school was definitely better than this one! I should stop trying to recreate what i've written :(
Anyway, i hope my posts get better than these!
These are too forced, and not really what i wanna write, i think.
Maybe've i've lost it.
I'm not fishing, i'm just writing mental doodles, like i said.
Anyway, see you on my next post!


Banana!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

More Clerihews!

Cousins!

Lassie Lakshmi Deshpande,
Woke up and decided one day
That she's going to become a herbivore,
Til her goal comes knocking on her door!


Awasome Awani Deshpande,
She was born on a sunny Sunday
She really loves to dance and prance,
As soon as she gets a chance!


Chappie Chinmay Deshpande,
The day he came was a fine monday
He'd love a tiger as a pet,
but he hasnt even finished college yet!


Sassy Seemantini Deshpande,
When she's around you'll have a fun day!
But now she's run of to America
She say "Coffee!", we say "Chaha!"

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Swehirelc!

Here are some clerihews i already made. I'll add newer ones soon.. Stay tuned!

First one's about me:


Nasty Nandini Rao
Named after a cow
Wrote a clerihew
Now she's a poet too!

This one's about my sister, Devika:

Darling Devika Rao
Greet her with a bow
She's a Hippogriff
She doesn't like you if!

This one's about Aai:

Royal Rajashree Rao
She'll make you go 'Wow!'
She's a bit mad you'll see
Laughing out loud you'll be!

And for Annu:

Amiable Abhay Rao
He ain't from a gaon
His moustache he won't curl
but I'm his Dobergirl! :P

Thats all for now!
Au revoir!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

^_^

Mirchi!

As you can see, this is my first ever blog and first ever post. After a few posts/months, i will probably find this one silly..

The reason i'm creating a blog is so i can organise my thoughts a little, because i've been forgetting some of my favourite ideas and mental doodles, which I like to look at later. Honestly, i have no idea what my writing skills are like.. Sandhya Teacher is the only one who has really liked my writing, but that's only one person. (if others have liked it too and i'm forgetting, please remind me! I have a very poor memory!) (oh, forgive me if i use too many !!!s or capitals, i get a little hyper sometimes.)
I was thinking of writing clerihews as my first official post (this one doesn't count.. this is only for me and some introduction.)
I dont know much about what all you can do to your blog, like links and all.. I'll need help with that.
This blog is going to be public, like everyone else's i know is.. If you find any mistakes, grammatical or typing errors, point them out shamelessly.. (if you think i should use a better word than "shamelessly", say it.)
I encourage people to give me ideas or essays to write, because i loved writing CBSE English papers; dialogue writing, script writing, article writing and all, but I can't think of a topic on my own. If you need ideas for anything, ask me, I'll help.

My communication skills are quite bad, i can never think of a good reply or answer when someone is talking to me, but when i write, i can just backspace and take some seconds to think and it comes out the way i want it to. When i read and observe, everything is very clear, but when people talk to me, i start babbling.. And i end up looking stupid (maybe i am, i dont know).

Anyway..

First of all, give me some names of famous people so i can make clerihews! (if you dont know what clerihews are, look at my next post.)

And if you have any suggestions on what my next post should be, comment!

Thats All Folks!

See you next time on The IWannaWrite Show with Nandini Rao!

Banana!